Game Thread- Knicks at Hawks

I'll make this quick. The Knicks follow their win at home with a trip to Atlanta to take on the Hawks. New York has not won back-to-back games (or lost back-to-back games, while we're at it) since February 6th. Though the Hawks are a poor team record-wise, they handily defeated the Knicks the last time these two teams met in Atlanta on November 3rd. Granted, circumstances were different in November, and the Knicks beat them at the Garden later, but the point is this game is not to be taken lightly. The Bockers regularly come out flat every other game, so pay attention to their body language and overall effort this evening. I'm sick and tired of them shitting away easy games.

Anyway, I'm gonna be oot and aboot to celebrate my birthday tonight, so it'll be another weekend without game notes. I do hope to catch at least some of the game, though. Sorry. If anyone wants to hook them up, I'd obviously be accomodating.

Little housekeeping note: Due to some unsatistfactory use of the comments section (if you read the comments, you know what I'm talking about), I'm turning off anonymous comments. Shouldn't really be an issue. Yeah.

This is a game thread, so post any comments about the game, Greek salad, monster trucks, cottage cheese, and "Blade Runner" as the day goes on. I'll recap later. Go Knicks. Peace.

Know the Opponent- Atlanta Hawks

(I was about to do one for the Sonics. Glad I checked the schedule.)

Meet the Hawks!

#11 Esteban Batista- At any given Hawks game, about 9% of the audience is made up of Esteban's groupies. On the road, the number drops to about 6%.

#1 Josh Childress- Unbeknownst to most scientists, Josh's bountiful afro is a multi-faceted ecosystem the provides the habitat for various bizarre and undiscovered species, including a mushroom that cures herpes and a fire-breathing seahorse.

#12 Speedy Claxton- Craig Claxton was morbidly obese as a child, and his nickname was derived facetiously. Though he has worked himself into peak physical form, the bitterness of the name still sticks with him.

#36 Royal Ivey- Royal is currently trying to become the first NBA player to clone himself. If he proves succesful, he will immediately become the first active NBA player to come out of the closet.

#8 Anthony Johnson- Anthony's first actions upon returning to Atlanta were to burst into the locker room before a game, holler "I'm back, bitches!", and cut the entire buffet line.

#2 Joe Johnson- In several radical religious sects of the Deep South, Joe is considered a living deity, and his every word is immediately transcribed into scripture.

#44 Solomon Jones- Solomon has spent his whole adult life training to prove those haters who said he couldn't make it in the NBA Shooting Stars Competition wrong.

#10 Tyronn Lue- Tyronn was the league's first ever WNBA call-up.

#3 Slava Medvedenko- Slava prefers the leather ball because it is "more delicious. Taste like bull."

#27 Zaza Pachulia- Zaza leads the league in Cologne Applied per 48 Minutes.

#5 Josh Smith- After a loss, Josh gets out his frustration by swatting seagulls out of the sky.

#20 Salim Stoudamire- When Salim walks into the room, all the women present simultaneously go into labor.

#24 Marvin Williams- Marvin recently purchased a yacht entitled the S.S. Potential.

#33 Shelden Williams- Shelden patterns his game after David Stern.

#42 Lorenzen Wright- Lorenzen plays basketball only because he is 7 feet tall. His real passion is for the accordion.

Those are your Atlanta Hawks. Game thread coming a little later. Peace.

Knicks 106, Warriors 97

Continuing their win-one, lose-one pattern, the Knicks put away the Golden State Warriors to win their seventh straight at the Garden. Marbury and Richardson got hot from downtown, getting 34 and 30, respectively. I missed the whole damn thing, but that's a good lookin' win for the 'Bockers. I don't know where Zack's at with our game notes, but whatever. I'm ass tired right now, so I'll hit you with the Sonics KTO some time tomorrow. Peace.

UPDATE-IZZLE: Our boy Barnesgasm got some game notes in lieu of Zack's M.I.A. notes. (We still love you, Zack.)

Back to backs are hardest on the blogger, my friend. I'm feeling one of your late night boredom thingies right about now, so here's some abridged game notes to pick up Zack's slack.
Old PA guy is back. Sweet.
I get into more detail on my site, but I watched Matt Barnes warm up for like 20 minutes, and semi-interacted with Adonal Foyle and Jerome James, but fuck them.
Lots of French for Mickael Pietrus. Weird.
The warriors are missing Stephen Jackson's firepower (get it? firepower?) and Baron Davis' charity work (He loves helping kids. No humor there.) so the injuries cancel out.
Harrington is wet against the Knicks, this is like his fourth game against us this season.
What is this early lead you speak of? Don't worry, we blow it by halftime.
Unit of death sighting: Collins, Francis, Balkman, Malik, Frye. Yeech.
Curry kills Foyle and Biedrinis early. This is a theme.
Q is hitting every open shot.
At the end of the first half, Mardy Collins has played 8 minutes, touched the ball twice, and gotten called for traveling twice, as far as I can tell.
Marbury and Q are on fire. On every fast break, Jamal/Marbury pulls up at an 18 footer for no apparant reason with nobody who can possibly, and drains it.
Marbury is shitting. Watch out, and supply your own toilet paper.
All year, the Knicks give up a shitload of threes, and all year, we continue to play the 2-3 zone, which has the premise of forcingthe opponent pass along the perimeter and hit open jumpers. Zeke is merciless.
Key play of the game: Down two with 4 minutes left, Mardy Collins steals a pass at about the three point line, evades two defenders with a half court dribble, and finishes with a finger roll to tie the game. He then grabs a key rebound at the other end, and the Knicks score 10 straight to take the lead for good. The only other time "Mardy Collins" and "key" will ever appear in the same sentence will occur in 2023, when Collins, now a successful real estate agent, locks his keys inside the car out of spite after they savage him 11-5 in a game of pickup basketball, allowing him to keep his pride but not the respect of his family, and he totally busts a coathanger trying to get back in the car.
Matt Barnes: DNP. Oh well.
Huge games from Marbury (34 - ridiculous jumper tonight) Q (30, 12 - all over, knocked down at least 4 threes) 20 plus from Eddy, who needs to learn how to pass badly if we want to win more games, and an acceptable 7 and 7 from Steve Francis, which I'll take any day from a backup guard.
Knicks are 3 back of Miami, 3.5 back of Indy, 2 back of NJ, and 1 back of Orlando. Must beat the Hawks tomorrow/tonight.
I'm done, and still not tired. Matt Barnes's crack residue must have rubbed off on me.

Appreciate it, 'Gasm. I hope your encounter with Mr. Barnes was magical. Goodnight, everybody.

UPDATE AGAIN: Zack is, thankfully, alive, and hit us with some belated game notes. Thanks for the notes, homie.

ah im very very sorry. i had to catch the 1120 train back which didnt get into my stop till 1230 about and i didnt get home till close to 1. i had to go to bed when i got home because i had a SAT course this morning at 8. anyways i am extremely sorry for no notes. anyways here are just some.
Balkman had a nasty ass dunk in the pregame warmups(1 hand thomahawk with authority), he took off just as the "take me home" song started.
a knicks city dancer performed our national anthem, wasnt expecting that for some reason.
the knicks city kids are actually more talented then the knicks city dancers, but still annoy greatly, just their size and looks i guess.
collins had a mean behind the back cross-over going down the court, he looked so out of control but converted anyways.
Harrington was money early on but then really cooled down later.
frye hesited on far too many of his jumpers tonight, and thus missed.
lee was out yet again, all of the knicks bounds came from Q who had 12. he also could shoot the three all night.
marbury had a couple of nice dribble stop jump shots that you could tell were going to go in before he even stopped dribbling.
i got very nervous when the knicks went down three, i said here we go again, but they proved me wrong and went crazy in the last 3 minutes.
curry had a very quite yet effective game. still too many turnovers for my liking. he dropped 3 good passes in scoring positions for seamlessly no reason. one was from balkman under the hoop.
the guy sitting behind kept screaming cmon marbury cmon marbury pop the j pop the j over and over again and everytime jefferson came in the game he would say no dont put him back in hes not ready hes not ready hes not ready. i guess it was from his usual facial expression.
a constestant for the continental shooting game got booed. he missed about 15 shots from mid-right wing the same way each and every time- short, barely hitting the rim with no ark.
a good game for the knicks nonetheless with some very timely hooping down the stretch. sorry i couldnt give you better game notes and earlier. i apologize. next game im going to is in 2 weeks, ill try and do better. go knicks.

Forgiven, buddy. Hope you enjoyed the win!

Game Thread: Knicks vs. Warriors

The Knicks are back home tonight to take on the Warriors. Fact: The Knicks have alternated wins and losses since February 6th. Fact: they just lost...badly. Prediction: the Knicks is gonna win tonight. They better not prove me wrong.

Sounds like at least one of the incapacitated squad- Lee, Robinson, and Francis- will be ready to go tonight. Or all three. Or none. Who the fuck knows? (I give the best analysis.)

I'm most likely gonna be out of the house, so I won't be providing you with any game notes this evening. If truth be told in the comments section, however, our boy Zack will be at the Garden, and will provide us with some game notes later tonight. Everyone enjoy the game, and hide the women and crack rocks, because Matt Barnes is in town! Recap coming later. Go Knicks. Peace.

Know the Opponent: Golden State Warriors

Meet the Warriors!

#7 Kelenna Azubuike- Kelenna moonlights as an OB/GYN.

#22 Matt Barnes- Matt is the prototypical human being. Every cell of his body is perfect, and everything he says and does is right. Matt is without flaw.

#15 Andris Biedrins- If Andris loves one thing, it's blocking shots. If he's loves two things, they're blocking shots and chain smoking.

#11 Zarko Cabarkapa- If Zarko were a foot shorter, he'd be in weird arthouse movies.

#5 Baron Davis- In what many experts consider one of the greatest upsets of all time, Baron revealed that his favorite Ninja Turtle is Leonardo.

#8 Monta Ellis- Monta patterns his game after President Calvin Coolidge, who was known for his extraordinary leaping ability, fluid jumper, and cool demeanor.

#31 Adonal Foyle- Someday, Adonal plans to retire from basketball and seek public office. His teammates are trying desperately to nominate him for the '07 elections.

#1 Stephen Jackson- Every time Stephen looks in the mirror, somewhere, a panda dies.

#33 Sarunas Jasikevicius- Sarunas' hairstyle is now very popular amongst Lithuanian teenagers, and is known as "Tąs Drącųla".

#26 Patrick O'Bryant- Last summer, Patrick went to a convention for people named "Patrick O'Bryant" and felt out of place.

#2 Mickael Pietrus- In another example of NBA players beating the odds, Mickael was born a mer-man. Doctors thought he would never be able to play basketball due to his fishy tail, but Mickael braved the odds to develop a pair of working legs. And, well, you know the rest of the story.

#21 Josh Powell- Josh was recruited by NC State for both basketball and gymnastics, but was forced to pick one of the two.

#23 Jason Richardson- Jason is legally blind, and uses sonar to locate defenders.

And those are your Golden State Warriors. Game thread cominatcha tomorrow.

Thursday Crumbs

Here's what floating around the internet the day after the Knicks nearly made me lose my lunch...

- It's TNT NBA Thursday. Tonight's telecast includes Cavaliers, Mavaliers, Cavalippers, and Sonics. Random prediction: 2 of those teams will win, and two will lose.

- Howie the Hype, one of my personal favorite blogsmiths del mundo has been abducted by the Fanhouse. (By the way, if the Fanhouse were an actual "house"- like a building- what the hell would that be like?)

- Due to various circumstances, I'm gonna have to start posting a little later in the day, probably starting next week. I'm gonna try to do the KTO's the night before a game, but crumbs and game threads are gonna come a little later in the evening.

- Skeets at the Fanhouse tells us of Stephon Marbury shedding tears over Jamal Crawford's injury. It's a little goofy, but you've gotta love the camraderie. This is certainly an improvement from Malik and Nate brawling in the nude.

- Read in the Times today that Steve Francis has magically gotten better, and might play as soon as Friday. Who didn't see that coming? David Lee sounds like he might be back for Golden State as well.

- Kevin at Clipperblog got to shoot the halfcourt shot at the Clipper game last night, and his account is a great read. (Found on TrueHoop.) I turned down an opportunity to do the contest where you have to match the Knicks City Dancer's dance moves at a game earlier this year.

Anyway, that's all for today. I'll have your Warriors KTO up some time tonight or tomorrow. Enjoy the TNT action. Peace.

P.S. When I woke up this morning, I thought to myself "Hey, you know what the blog needs? More polar bears. There's a serious shortage of polar bears at Your NYK." I'm gonna make a concerted effort to give you more polar bears, dammit.

Celtics 102, Knicks 94

Ohh, the torment. In what may have been the most torturous game of the season, the Knicks came out sickeningly flat in the first half, made the predictable comeback in the second half to take the lead at various points only to go on and lose. This team just continues to amaze me. How on earth do you play that badly in the first half and then wipe it away in the second? It's like Isiah Thomas pulled the Bugs Bunny trick from Space Jam on them during halftime. Either way, it was a loss to a horrible Celtics team. Here are some very brief game notes (I skipped out on much of this one, only to come back when I saw they had cut the lead):


- It's kinda weird to see footage of Crawford's game-clincher against the Heat, knowing that during all that celebrating he had a fractured ankle.

- Balkman is now sporting some Troy Hudson style dreadtails. Not a good look.

- The Celtics had a very nice tribute to Dennis Johnson before the game, and both coaching staffs wore green "3" pins in his honor.


- Nate Robinson was out with the flu, which has been making its rounds in the Knick locker room. That meant Mardy Collins was the first guy off the bench. Yeah.

- Mardy had his moments, but, overall, was not very promising.

- Al Jefferson is GOOD. He doesn't look that big, but he's got a wide arsenal of post moves and a real nose for the ball around the basket. He had 26, 9, 5, and 2 blocks, all while essentially playing with one hand. The other was heavily bandaged.

- Watching Mardy Collins and Malik Rose hoist jumpers in the first half evoked memories of Shandon Anderson and Howard Eisley. It was one of those, "Wow, we're letting these people shoot?" moments that were so common before Isiah came.

- Paul Pierce has all of the facial expressions of a bitchy pre-teen girl. I do not like Paul Pierce and I do not like the Celtics.

- Jeffries had his best game as a Knick, despite foul trouble. He had 16 and 6 on 8-9 shooting. Marbury had 23 and 6. Q came out of his slump to have 24 and 8, including 5 threes.

Anyway. For one reason or another, of all the Knicks games I've ever seen, this may have been the most unbearable to stomach. They were so miserably listless in the first half, that it made me literally sick. They played like they hadn't been fed in a few days, or something. Then, the ups and downs of the close second half only worsened the pain. It's things like this that really test my patience. The fact that it was the Celtics makes it even worse. Ugh. Some years down the road, when the Knicks are a contender, remind me that they once played games like this. That is all. Back tomorrow. Peace.

P.S. The Heat beat the Wizards.

P.P.S. Totally forgot Bill Murray was in Space Jam. Wow.

Fuck. This.

Yup. The vomiting guy is coming out again tonight. Brian Scalabrine just had a block, a 28-footer and a dunk in a matter of 5 minutes. The Knicks are down 20 in the second quarter to the Celtics- the worst team in the league. I'm not watching this shit. I've seen this game before. They'll cut it to 6, maybe 4 somewhere in the late third or early fourth quarter, and then lose by 10-12. Forget it. Maybe I'll put up a few of my game notes later.

UPDATE: The Knicks have cut it to 8, and now down to 3. I'm watching. This team owns me.

Game Thread: Knicks at Celtics

The Knicks head to Boston tonight to take on the Celtics. It's their first game without Jamal Crawford. I read in the paper this morning that Q would be moving to the 2-guard and Jeffries would be starting. To me, that's acceptable for now. It'll be interesting to see how the newly freed 38 minutes are distributed among the healthy bodies. I wouldn't mind seeing more of the rooks, Balkman and Collins, at least to see what they can bring to the table in extended burn. Keep an eye on that.

I hate the Celtics with the spite of a thousand men, so I hope the Knicks can completely neuter them tonight. I implore you to join me at 7:30 this evening, as our little discussions in these parts are plenty entertaining. This here is the game thread, so post any comments about the game, Rapper Big Pooh, urology, cheese graters, and slush as the night goes on. Go Knicks. Peace.

(P.S. It sounds as if tonight is the night Boston will honor the recently passed Dennis Johnson.)

EDIT: I've gotta include this. There was talk of the Knicks saying no to a Nate Robinson dunk that involved a playboy bunny and a blackjack table. Well, J.E. Skeets at the Fanhouse found the damn thing. Here's the video. That woulda been sick.

Know the Opponent: Boston Celtics

Meet the Boston Celtics!

#42 Tony Allen- While some are notorious for breaking backboards with thunderous dunks, Tony once shattered the glass during practice with a routine jumpshot.

#4 Ryan Gomes- Ryan speaks fluent Klingon.

#5 Gerald Green- In Gerald's home state of Texas, "Greenery" is a petty crime described as "jumping over unsuspecting pedestrians".

#7 Al Jefferson- Al's favorite pre-game snack is a mule.

#41 Michael Olowokandi- Michael's offseason weightlifting regimen includes grocery shopping and "Twister".

#43 Kendrick Perkins- The Celtics organization does not invite Kendrick to charity events anymore because he makes the sick children cry.

#34 Paul Pierce- In an unreleased Sports Illustrated survey of the whole NBA, Paul was voted the league's "Least Huggable" player.

#0 Leon Powe- Leon's high-fives can produce Richter Scale readings of up to 7.

#50 Theo Ratliff- In a "Weekend at Bernie's"-esque scenario, the Celtics have taken to dressing Theo's corpse in a warmup jacket and sitting it on the bench during games.

#12 Allan Ray- On Halloween, Allan startles trick-or-treaters by popping out his eyeball when he answers the door.

#9 Rajon Rondo- Rajon impresses his teammates by palming their cars.

#44 Brian Scalabrine- Like Shaq and Ray Allen before him, Brian has branched out into acting. He skips occasional practices to tape episodes of "The War at Home".

#55 Wally Szczerbiak- After basketball, Wally plans to reach out to underprivileged kids by founding the "Wally Szczerbiak Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good".

#30 Sebastian Telfair- In 2004, Sebastian was a fun-loving high school student with a budding career in film, theater, and dance. He landed his first role in the basketball drama "Through the Fire". In a bizarre event of confusion, the Portland Trailblazers, enamored with Sebastian's compelling performance, mistook the film for a documentary and drafted him in the first round. Befuddled, but pleasantly surprised with the money, Sebastian has been "playing" professional basketball ever since.

#13 Delonte West- Delonte solicits haircare advice from teammate Brian Scalabrine.

And those are your Boston Celtics. Game thread coming tomorrow.

Tuesday Crumbs

Here's what's floating around the internet the day after Curry out-Shaqed Shaq...

- Fuck. Jamal Crawford needs ankle surgery, and is done for the season. That makes two key guards done for the year, and one (Marbury) visibly ailing. It's a bummer to lose Jamal just when he was starting to find a bit of a rhythm, and I wish him a speedy recovery. For now, what does this do to the starting lineup? The Knicks are probably gonna need to sign someone in the upcoming days. By the way, check out the last sentence of that ESPN article:

New York is 26-32 and was two games out of the eighth and final spot in the Eastern Conference playoffs entering Tuersday's game at Boston.

First of all, they use the phrase "was two games out", which sounds very much like an obituary. Losing Crawford sucks, but I wouldn't say that this dooms the team just yet. Second of all, they refer to the Boston game being on "Tuersday", which is like some combination of Tuesday and Thursday. The game is on Wednesday.

- I read the Harvey Araton article about All-Star Weekend in the NY Times this morning, and was a little dismayed. Henry Abbott of TrueHoop addresses this article, an article by Dave Zirin, and the notorious one by Jason Whitlock.

- The ever-hilarious Hype Guy with some Knicks 'toons.

That's all for today. Leave your thoughts on the JC injury, and how the Knicks might react, in the comments. Back tomorrow (Tuersday?) for the Celtics game. Peace.

Knicks 99, Heat 93

Oh yes. Fresh off a disappointing loss, the Knicks rebounded to defeat Miami 99-93, in most dramatic fashion. The game was back-and-forth throughout, with neither team leading by more than 9. Jamal Crawford's three pointer sealed the deal in the final minute, as the Knicks won their 6th straight at home. Game notes:

- You know those Dunkin Donuts commercials that are narrated by John Goodman? I always picture him in a recording booth, sitting Indian style as he lays down his voice-over, surrounded by a piles of half-eaten donuts and cookies. Maybe that's just me.

- Q Rich seems to have mislaid his touch from outside, but he brings so much posting up, on the glass, and on defense, that he demands minutes. I really like that about him. I wouldn't mind seeing him post up smaller 2's and 3's a little more often.


- Interesting sequence...after a timeout, the Knicks were inbounding with 2 seconds on the shot clock. The predictable alley-oop attempt to Eddy Curry was broken up, but the tip went directly to Malik Rose, who calmly sank a jumper.

- Speaking of Malik, he came out and really delivered for the Knicks on the defensive end. He pestered Shaq constantly, drawing a charge or two and getting in his ear. Great effort from the "White D-Lee", as our boy Barnesgasm would call him.

- The alley-oop play didn't work more than once this evening, actually. Crawford kept slamming his passes off the backboard. It was strange.

- Clyde reacting to a shot of the Knicks City Dancers: "The hooplah and pageantry of the NBA!" That wasn't what I was thinking...but whatever. Oh, Clyde. How do you manage to be so cool and so uncool at the same time?

Some hooplah...a litte pageantry...but mostly boobies.
- Little note: Nate fucked up his complex free throw routine at one point the second quarter. He forgot to rub his tattoo! Nate hit the free throw anyway.

- The Knicks did not commit a single shooting foul in the first half. The Heat took ONE free throw on a technical foul. For the game, the Knicks took 39 free throws to the Heat's 8. Somewhere, Pat Riley is complaining.

- Shaq surpassed 25,000 points for his career midway through the first quarter. Good for him. In the third quarter, I hit 70,000 farts for my lifetime. Press conference tomorrow afternoon.

- Clyde on Shaq's 25K: "Imagine how many he'd have if he could shoot free throws!"

- At one point, Shaq and Eddie Jones went for the same rebound, and ended up giving it away. Shaq gave EJ a death stare that would make most grown men pee and poo at the same time. Mike Breen reminded (find, found...bind, bound...remind, reminded...you explain that.) the viewers that Jones and O'Neal had some beef back when they played in L.A. Forgot about that.

- Two of my favorite plays of the game came at the expense of Alonzo Mourning, who was preening and posturing for the crowd all night. Play Number 1: Mittens posts up Mourning, who responds by repeatedly pulling Eddy's arms, grabbing his arms, and kicking him. Despite all this, Eddy catches the pass and calmly sinks a hook shot in his face. Play Number 2: Mourning dunks over Mittens and runs back down court making some kind of celebratory ruckus. Marbury takes the inbounds pass, goes coast-to-coast and shoulder-checks Mourning to the floor while dropping in a layup. That was sweet.

- It was a tale of two quarters in the second half. In the third quarter it was all Curry, as he dropped in 16 points. In crunch time, though, the guards took over. Marbury put up 18 and and Crawford 10 in the fourth.

- Jason Kapono was seen quizically stroking his neck stubble after a dubious foul call. (By the way, I think Kapono is officially a Knick-killer.)

- Clinching play of the game...with the Knicks up 1, Malik Rose throws a pass that gets tipped by Udonis Haslem. The loose ball rolls right to Jamal Crawford, who sinks an uncontested three from the corner. Boo-yah.

- More important on that final play, however, was Channing Frye's reaction. A shot of the bench showed an ecstatic Frye (6'11'') jumping onto the back of 6'5'' Mardy Collins. Mardy didn't really seem to mind. Moral of the story: Chan needs to hit the weight room a little.

- Hmm..since we haven't had a photo in a few lines, who's up for a little more hooplah and pageantry?

I thought you might be.
- Some stat lines for y'all to nibble on...Curry had 28 and 11, including 10-13 from the line...Marbury had 25, including 3 three-pointers...Crawford had 20 on 5-10 shooting...Kapono led the Heat with 24, including 4 three-pointers.

- Final note: some ch-ch-ch-changes are going on in these parts. I'm currently working on something that's gonna make this blog bigger, prettier, and better for you readers. I won't give it away yet, but big changes should be coming in the upcoming weeks.

That's it for tonight. The Knicks are nearing that 8th seed, and picking up some wins over this upcoming stretch of sub-.500 opponents could be the push that it takes to get to the playoffs. New York needs to stop letting teams hang around though. Halftime leads must be expanded upon, to avoid letting teams hang around, as happened tonight. Either way, I'm happy for now. Back tomorrow. Peace.

Game Thread: Knicks vs. Heat

The Knicks are back home tonight to face the Miami Heat. The Knicks best get their act together and make up for their loss last night by defeating the Wade-less Heat. David Lee may be returning, while it looks like Steve Francis may be done for...well...forever. Jerome James might finally make some sense in the starting lineup tonight, as there has to be someone on the floor to foul Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah.

I told you these were gonna be shorter. Anyway, this is a game thread, so post any comments about the game, the new Know the Opponent feature, fried rice, sandboxes, badminton, "Chill Factor", and komodo dragons as the night goes on. I'll be back later with your game notes. I'm starting to believe that numerous comments increase the Knicks' chances to win, so bring the damn comments. Go Knicks. Peace.

Know the Opponent: Miami Heat

Hey. So it's 1 in the morning and I can't fall asleep. Most of my good ideas (like the decision to start this blog) come during bouts of insomnia, and I think I just had a new one. Basically, I'm gonna pare down the game threads, which are mostly bullshit you already know, and add in this new feature. In the KTO, as it will be known, I'll dissect (figuratively) every player on the opposing team with some made-up facts and jokes. I guess I'm bored (as are you, probably) with stating the obvious in game previews, and would rather give you something nonsensical that you can't find elsewhere. This is the 200th post at Your NYK, by the way, so I guess it's a ripe time for a little change. I'm sure this new feature will evolve, expand, or disappear as time goes on. Let me know what you think. We'll see. Anyway, here goes nothing...


Meet the Miami Heat!

#30 Earl Barron- Earl used to play for the now-defunct Florida Flame of the NBDL. The franchise was shut down when they realized that their players were "Flamers".

#51 Michael Doleac- Michael shaves his head because he thinks it makes him look like Shaq.

#40 Udonis Haslem- After basketball, Udonis plans to start his own brand of mouthguards.

#6 Eddie Jones- Though he usually chooses not to, Eddie has the ability to teleport.

#24 Jason Kapono- The net of Jason's childhood basketball hoop housed a very large hornet's nest. Thus, he never ventured near the rim for fear of being stung. To this day, Jason maintains at least a 20 foot distance from all rims.

#33 Alonzo Mourning- Alonzo roars and flexes his muscles after succesfully defacating.

#32 Shaquille O'Neal- In elementary school, Shaq was actually a pair of twins. Shaquille and Elliuqahs were two slight, sickly children. Elliuqahs was resigned to his stature, and took up reading poetry for fun. Shaquille, however, dreamed of being a basketball star. One day in 1982, while Elliuqahs was sleeping, Shaquille ate him.

#20 Gary Payton- When not playing basketball, Gary walks on all fours.

#42 James Posey- James can fit a whole basketball in his mouth.

#11 Chris Quinn- Due to a clerical error, the ballboy roster was mixed up with the team roster and Chris received his first contract to play for the Heat.

#25 Wayne Simien- If Wayne were on a desert island, he could sustain himself for nearly 2 years by eating his own biceps.

#3 Dwyane Wade- Dwyane knows the names of only three other players on the Heat. He refers to the rest by number. Not by jersey number...just by any number he chooses.

#8 Antoine Walker- Antoine's famous "shimmy" celebration is a tribute to his best friend: Jello.

#55 Jason Williams- Jason's various tattoos are actually temporary. He just never bathes.

#1 Dorell Wright- Dorell is actually one of those made-up players in NBA Live drafts. Through some combination of voodoo and wizardry, he was spawned from a Playstation 2 in early 2004.

And those are your Miami Heat. The game thread will come (much) later.

EDIT: I just realized, I probably got this idea from InsideHoops.com's old free agent rankings, which used to be chock full of hilarious bogus information. Just mentioning that.

Nets 101, Knicks 92

Dammit. Just when the Knicks really needed to get over the hump, they crapped away a great first half to bow to the Nets, 101, 92. The recent Charlie Brown comparison at Knickerblogger seemed to apply once more. The Knicks were coming off a win, up by 9 at the half, and roaring to a second consecutive victory but, just like that, the Nets pulled the football away and New York found themselves on their asses once again. Really sucks. Game notes:

- David Lee sat with a sprained ankle. The Beast did not look happy to be confined to a suit. It caged in all of his hustle and ferocity. I bet Dave's gonna go home and break some shit.

- The Knicks first offensive possession of the game was a doozy. Jerome James tried to show us his Globetrotter moves by looping a retarded one-handed pass to Eddy Curry, who wasn't expecting it. Curry saved it from going out of bounds. Maintaining possession, Marbury drove to the hole and got stripped midway, but the ball caromed back to James. "Big Snacks" then stumbled, but on his way down threw in a layup. I'm pretty sure that's not how it was drawn up.

- Vince Carter takes way too damn long to shoot his free throws. It makes me wanna kick him in the head. Actually, almost everything VC does makes me wanna kick him in the head.

- It was a shootout early on...between Jerome James and Mikki Moore.

- Did you know the Oscars were tonight? I don't think I've seen more than two of the nominated movies. This blog business keeps me occupied.

What the fuck? Jared Jeffries!?
- Kerry Kittles' name was tossed around in the game thread, and I'm pretty sure I saw him sitting behind the Nets bench.

- In back-to-backs, the Knicks are 6-8 in the first game (including tonight) and 3-10 in the second game (which does not bode well for tomorrow night).

- Marbury was singin' solo in the first quarter, lighting it up for 13 points (including 3 treys) with a chorus of boos as his backup music.

- Herb Williams mentioned this pre-game, and young Mittens proved it, that Curry be a big offensive presence even when he isn't scoring, simply because he draws so many double teams.

- When Channing Frye does not hesitate, he does not miss, unless it's a three.

- Mikki Moore is the boogeyman. He scares the shit outta me.

"BOO!"
- Speaking of Moore...Renaldo Balkman was guarding him at one point, making for what might be the hairiest matchup in NBA history.

- Clyde attributed a Nets 3-second violation to the Knicks' "nagging, sagging defense". Someone needs to mash Clyde-isms up with a beat. I'm telling you it'd be great.

- Wasn't Lawrence Frank just an interim for Byron Scott? How often does the interim coach end up sticking around for as long as he has? I guess that huge win streak when he took the reigns probably helps. He's now very close to first for all-time Net wins.

- I blame the Knicks third quarter collapse on the Temptations. They performed at halftime. (Actually, it was pretty cool.)

101-92...Oh, how I wish it would rain.
- Bostjan Nachbar went nuts in this game, including one hilarious sequence. The boyish little Slav they call "Boki" showed a streak of brutish ferocity, as he dunked over Jared Jeffries and then let out a big, fat, Eastern European fist pump- BYAAAAH!- in Jeffries' face. Unfortunately, his fist pump was a little too close to said face, and Nachbar got hit up with a technical. He then resumed being the boyish little Slav they call "Boki".

- The difference between the two halves was simply that the Knicks couldn't miss in the first half, and couldn't buy one in the second half. They relied waaaaaay too much on jump shots, and were only encouraged to do so by their relative success in the first two quarters.

- Carter had 40, 9, and 8 for the Nets. Asshole.

That's pretty much it. The Knicks rode their hot shooting to a first half lead but, as was bound to happen, their reliance on the J caught up to them and they crapped away what could've been a huge win. I hate the Nets. It doesn't get easier, as the Knicks have to immediately face the Miami Heat tomorrow night. They absolutely need that one, considering the ground they lost with tonight's in-divison defeat. Back tomorrow. Peace.

Game Thread: Knicks at Nets

The Knicks head across the river today to take on Mile Ilic and the New Jersey Nets. David Lee is questionable for the game, while Jason Kidd is playing through a variety of injuries for NJ. (Insert joke here). Hopefully, there's some measure of revenge for the Knicks because, as you surely remember, the Nets sunk us in January on a Splifford Robinson tip-in. That hurt. I want payback. Anyway.

People often ask me why I'm not a Nets fan. The tickets are cheaper, Continental is closer to my house, the team is better, etc. I always say that I can't just become a Nets fan. My love for the Knicks has been ingrained somewhere in my DNA, and I just can't shake it. This isn't the same for everbody, though. See, in the 90s, there were probably 6 Nets fans on earth (and 3 of them were on the roster). Abruptly, the Nets and Knicks switched places on the basketball food chain, with the Knicks putting in their first losing season in a while in 01/02, the same year the Nets went to their first NBA finals in a long time. The Knicks haven't had a winning season since, and the opposite for the Nets. Thus, in this new millenium, we've seen a crop of Nets fans arise like weeds. It's a strange breed. The Net fan probably used to be a Knick fan, but gave up on the team when they started losing. His favorite player is either Jason Kidd or Vince Carter (or even Kenyon Martin). He watches games only when they play the Knicks. He thinks Walt Frazier is annoying. He is every reason why I hate the New Jersey Nets. (For all the real Nets fans out there, with your Antoine Wright jerseys and your season tickets, bless your twisted little hearts. Keep truckin'.)

So let's win this damn thing, New York. Win it because of those treacherous Net fans. Win it because Continental Airlines Arena doesn't have a decent restaurant anywhere near it and smells funny. Win it because Jason Collins is a fugazi. Win it because Uncle Spliffy shot down your dreams. Win it for AMERICA.

That's my pump-up speech for today. If you can't tell, I really need a win today. This is the first Knicks action I've seen in a week, and I'm excited. Let's hope the guys can buck the trend of following wins with blowout losses, and put away these inferior Nets. This is a game thread, so post any comments about the game, the Meadowlands, falafel, slippers, "The Boondocks", and cray-pas as the day goes on. The game's at 6 p.m, kids. Go Knicks. Peace.

EDIT: For, like, an actual preview, head to Father Knickerbocker.

Sunday Lookalikes

Yo. Finally back in Jersey after a day of travel. Since I didn't post at all on Saturday, I give you an Xtra-bonus, limited edition, twilight installment of the Sunday Lookalikes. I'm sure someone somewhere has mentioned this lookalike before, but here it goes anyway...

Mike Bibby vs. John Brown of The (white) Rapper Show



Hallelujah Holla back!