Know the Opponent: Boston Celtics
Meet the Boston Celtics!
#42 Tony Allen- While some are notorious for breaking backboards with thunderous dunks, Tony once shattered the glass during practice with a routine jumpshot.
#4 Ryan Gomes- Ryan speaks fluent Klingon.
#5 Gerald Green- In Gerald's home state of Texas, "Greenery" is a petty crime described as "jumping over unsuspecting pedestrians".
#7 Al Jefferson- Al's favorite pre-game snack is a mule.
#41 Michael Olowokandi- Michael's offseason weightlifting regimen includes grocery shopping and "Twister".
#43 Kendrick Perkins- The Celtics organization does not invite Kendrick to charity events anymore because he makes the sick children cry.
#34 Paul Pierce- In an unreleased Sports Illustrated survey of the whole NBA, Paul was voted the league's "Least Huggable" player.
#0 Leon Powe- Leon's high-fives can produce Richter Scale readings of up to 7.
#50 Theo Ratliff- In a "Weekend at Bernie's"-esque scenario, the Celtics have taken to dressing Theo's corpse in a warmup jacket and sitting it on the bench during games.
#12 Allan Ray- On Halloween, Allan startles trick-or-treaters by popping out his eyeball when he answers the door.
#9 Rajon Rondo- Rajon impresses his teammates by palming their cars.
#44 Brian Scalabrine- Like Shaq and Ray Allen before him, Brian has branched out into acting. He skips occasional practices to tape episodes of "The War at Home".
#55 Wally Szczerbiak- After basketball, Wally plans to reach out to underprivileged kids by founding the "Wally Szczerbiak Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good".
#30 Sebastian Telfair- In 2004, Sebastian was a fun-loving high school student with a budding career in film, theater, and dance. He landed his first role in the basketball drama "Through the Fire". In a bizarre event of confusion, the Portland Trailblazers, enamored with Sebastian's compelling performance, mistook the film for a documentary and drafted him in the first round. Befuddled, but pleasantly surprised with the money, Sebastian has been "playing" professional basketball ever since.
#13 Delonte West- Delonte solicits haircare advice from teammate Brian Scalabrine.
And those are your Boston Celtics. Game thread coming tomorrow.
Posted by Seth at 9:24 PM