Know the Opponent: Boston Celtics

Meet the Boston Celtics!

#42 Tony Allen- While some are notorious for breaking backboards with thunderous dunks, Tony once shattered the glass during practice with a routine jumpshot.

#4 Ryan Gomes- Ryan speaks fluent Klingon.

#5 Gerald Green- In Gerald's home state of Texas, "Greenery" is a petty crime described as "jumping over unsuspecting pedestrians".

#7 Al Jefferson- Al's favorite pre-game snack is a mule.

#41 Michael Olowokandi- Michael's offseason weightlifting regimen includes grocery shopping and "Twister".

#43 Kendrick Perkins- The Celtics organization does not invite Kendrick to charity events anymore because he makes the sick children cry.

#34 Paul Pierce- In an unreleased Sports Illustrated survey of the whole NBA, Paul was voted the league's "Least Huggable" player.

#0 Leon Powe- Leon's high-fives can produce Richter Scale readings of up to 7.

#50 Theo Ratliff- In a "Weekend at Bernie's"-esque scenario, the Celtics have taken to dressing Theo's corpse in a warmup jacket and sitting it on the bench during games.

#12 Allan Ray- On Halloween, Allan startles trick-or-treaters by popping out his eyeball when he answers the door.

#9 Rajon Rondo- Rajon impresses his teammates by palming their cars.

#44 Brian Scalabrine- Like Shaq and Ray Allen before him, Brian has branched out into acting. He skips occasional practices to tape episodes of "The War at Home".

#55 Wally Szczerbiak- After basketball, Wally plans to reach out to underprivileged kids by founding the "Wally Szczerbiak Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good".

#30 Sebastian Telfair- In 2004, Sebastian was a fun-loving high school student with a budding career in film, theater, and dance. He landed his first role in the basketball drama "Through the Fire". In a bizarre event of confusion, the Portland Trailblazers, enamored with Sebastian's compelling performance, mistook the film for a documentary and drafted him in the first round. Befuddled, but pleasantly surprised with the money, Sebastian has been "playing" professional basketball ever since.

#13 Delonte West- Delonte solicits haircare advice from teammate Brian Scalabrine.

And those are your Boston Celtics. Game thread coming tomorrow.


Barnesgasm said...

Wow. I love these, and politely applaud your tremendous achievement. Normally, I wouldn't comment, but I just wanted to say that theres a certain Golden State Warrior it might be best to avoid in your next one of these...

Seth said...

How bout I let you write Barnes' when the time comes? You can write some flowery prose in his honor.

Mercer and Billups said...

Haha, I love the image of Rondo palming Escalades and Cayenne Turbos. The kid is a physical freak - not only his hands but his arms too. In the last game he was on the break and sort of faked a behind-the-back pass with his right hand by wrapping it around his back and then dropping the ball back by his right thigh and kept dribbling downcourt. Had he finished the lay-up, that play would have at least gotten some attention.

Oh well, the Knicks will see him soon enough. I predict a sloppy game that the Celts will pull out in front of the home fans - particularly if D.Lee is still in a suit.

Keep up the good work Seth.
-Mercer and Billups-

Anonymous said...

ah yes, gotta love the wally-zoolander relationship. i dont know where he gets his hair gel, but that shit's gotta be strong enough to withstand all the sweating of taking weak-ass jump shots all day.

TheHype said...

Doc Rivers: once shot a man in Reno just to see if it helps his unreliable substitution patterns

The Bonafied Boy said...

i got a suggestion for your next lookalike, how bout ben gordon and roger mason i swear they look almost alike.

Seth said...

bonafied, I don't really see it. They've got similar body types but I dunno if the face is there. Thanks for the tip, though.

zach said...

haha the telfair and allen onces are great.

darren said...

i'll email u the picture that made me think they look alike

aurelie said...


I'm an inter with startup widget 1000 and I created a news widget for Boston Celtics News.
It's updated every hours with NBA headlines from several different sports websites like ESPN, FOX Yahoo,etc. (Take a look: http://www.widget1000.com/)

Can we add Boston Celtics Team blog to the widget,too? That means that every time you post to your blog the headline of the post will show up on the widget and link directly to your post.
Anyone who puts this widget on their start page or on their website will see your Boston Celtics posts too. It's a powerful and free way to publicize your site.

Finally, would you add the Boston Celtics News Widget to your site so that others can see it?
Everyone who grabs the widget will automatically link to you so it's great for your search engine rankings. Plus, it shows a lot of stories about NBA and since it's updated every hour it is fresh and will make your site even more appealing than it already is.

What do you think?

Go Boston Celtics