Knicks-Wiz Tonight

The Wizards come to town tonight, including one of my personal favorite players, Mr. Gilbert Jay Arenas. This is gonna be a fun-ass game. Basically, it boils down to the play of Arenas. If he's shooting lights-out, the game's over. The Wizards, though, do not have a real offensive post presence, and don't have many other shooters, so if Arenas is off, our Knicks certainly have a chance. Yes, I am banking on the struggles of one of the league's best players for the Knicks to win. We're 2-6 kids...don't kill my dreams.

Anyway, far more interesting, in my mind, is this bit of news. As you've surely heard, Texas Tech coach Bobby Knight stirred up some controversy by slapping the face of one his players when said player didn't make eye contact with him. He claims that he was just trying to get the attention of the player, but the media thorougly dissects everything he does, because he's fucking loony. Whatever.

What's important to this Knicks fan, is the response of Isiah Thomas, a former player under Knight. Isiah was all for Knight's attention-getting strategies. He suggest that if a player is tuning you out or hanging his head, the coach must do something to get the player's attention. Hmmm. Does this increase the possibility of Jamal Crawford or Eddy Curry getting slapped this year? I have trouble believing that it wouldn't help. We'll see.

Just give him the sacktap!
Finally, this article from the NY Daily News shares the feelings of Stephon Marbury. A glimpse:

"It's been kind of tough, but it's an adjustment," Marbury said yesterday after the Knicks' 2-1/2-hour practice in Greenburgh. "I know what I'm capable of doing on the basketball court. But playing the way I have been playing is not the way I play. I have not been playing as aggressive as I normally play on the basketball court. And that's just from trying to get everybody involved and into the game.
"I've gotten turnovers because I've been trying to distribute the ball a little bit too much."

My problem with Marbury this year hasn't been so much in his physical play, but in his attitude. When he came to New York, he was a fanatic. Not only was he playing out of his mind, but his effort and enthusiasm were clearly present. He smiled, he celebrated, he jumped up and down...not unlike Nate Robinson's intensity these days. This is all I ask of Marbury. He is unquestionably the most talented and valuable player on the team, and even if he's in a funk, he needs to show us that his heart is in the game. I truly believe that he can will himself back into the action, but he needs to show the team and the fans that he's giving everything he has. Body language matters.

Smile, dude.
By the way, what the shit does "playing the way I have been playing is not the way I play" mean? It sounds like something Dr. Seuss might say.

Anyway, I'm gonna watch the whole game tonight, so look for a recap in the postgame. Go Knicks.

EDIT: Look it! I found a fantastic and delightfully relevant post at Jones on the NBA. Go check it out.

Vote for Which Players You Want to Get Arrested!

So the 2007 NBA All-Star Ballot (which looks as if it were co-designed by the makers of Grand Theft Auto and Bejeweled) came out today, and voting began. This announcement served to produce one of the most sincere yet awkward pictures of sports history.

For those of you keeping score at home, that's Greg Anthony, Wayne Newton, a slut, Shawn Marion, Brad Miller, Mayor Oscar Goodman, and another slut.
As you've surely realized, the game is in that outpost of American debauchery and delinquency, Las Vegas, Nevada. I placed my votes accordingly, and urge you to do the same. Vegas is known as an "anything goes" city, so I voted for Ron Artest, Gilbert Arenas, and Zach Randolph, among others. It's also famous for it's all-you-can-eat buffets, so Eddy Curry got my vote for Eastern Conference center.

"Circus Circus, bitches!"
Anyway, I encourage you to do your part to make All Star '07 interesting. Vote for excitement, kids.

P.S. David Lee for write-in!

EDIT: A night of sleep has reminded me that Anthony is a Vegas native and attended UNLV. Marion went to UNLV as well. Brad Miller has no connection to Vegas or the University, but one might consider him a "Runnin' Rebel" simply for his backwoods living and gunslinging ways. So there.

Knicks News

Quick update today...This article brings up a fact I missed: Frye didn't play at all in the fourth quarter last night. Despite his solid start, Isiah kept him benched for all of crunch time, leaving David Lee on the floor. It's hard to argue having Lee in there, but it's kinda rough that there's no room for Frye on the floor in these situations. It's almost as if the Knicks have too many players. For instance, what's gonna happen when Jared Jeffries gets healthy? What does that do to Q's role? Balkman's? How could a team this bad have such a wealth of players? I'm befuddled.

Another thing I forgot...Al Trautwig interviewed Dustin Hoffman courtside during last night's game. I've always liked Hoffman, and he was patient during some technical difficulties and relatively friendly. I was happy to see that a celebrity was still willing to see a Knicks game. Maybe he was just there for those 45 seconds. Who knows. (By the way, I sorta wish Dustin Hoffman was a Nuggets fan, so he could say "K-Mart sucks" more often. Knowing Isiah, he might get that opportunity here in New York.)

"Get a life, bro."
Marc Stein's weekly Power Rankings came out today, with the Knicks making the graceful leap from 29th up to 27th. To all you Grizzlies, Celtics, and Bobcats fans out there, SUCK IT. LOL.

It feels good to be on top.
Anyway, 2-6 is rough, but the schedule's been a bitch. Oh well. Wiz tomorrow, so expect some preview action in the afternoon.

Cavs 102, Knicks 96

Well, for the first time this season, the Knicks almost deserved to win a game...and of course they could not do so. My thoughts:

- I was happy to see Frye back in gear. One thing though...Why does he fake so much? Every time he catches the ball, he immediately throws this half-assed ballfake that fucks with his rhythm. It's completely useless and awkward. Good game overall, though. He buried a few jumpers, and finally had some nice catches and dunks around the basket.

Channing, Rim. Rim, Channing.
- Maybe I'm just bitter, but I was not impressed with the Cavs' sportsmanship and overall demeanor. Damon Jones excels in showboating and prickishness. Lebron is a marvelous player, but all his winking and grinning isn't cute. Finally, this is nitpicky, but Sasha Pavlovic elected to put in a wide open reverse dunk at the end of the game, when it didn't matter. I guess you take whatever you can get when you're Sasha Pavlovic.

- Everyone on the Knicks' bench drinks Gatorade, except for little Nate, who drinks Gatorade All-Stars. I couldn't make this shit up.

Special juice for our special boy!
- The "comeback kids": Robinson, Lee, Balkman, and friends, need to get in earlier in the third quarter.

- WOW. Crawford and Robinson repeatedly made tough shots around the basket, always drawing contact. Not once was a foul called. I'm surprised they didn't complain, because it was flat out ridiculous.

- The perimeter defense continues to suck balls.

- Give credit to the Cavs for hitting every big shot when the Knicks needed a stop. They weren't all open shots, either.

- Man, do I dislike Damon Jones. If you haven't noticed, I generally don't like players who are only good at one thing. I'm very touchy about the NBA, as it is my favorite pro sports league, and it upsets me that guys can make it in the L without actually being good at basketball. Damon Jones is not good at basketball.

- I don't know what gets Eddy Curry mad, but someone needs to find it. The CIA or NSA or whoever needs to be hired to investigate Curry and determine what his most valued possessions are. For instance, say they find out tomorrow that Curry has a beloved pet rabbit named Eddy III. The rabbit should immediately be shot in the face, with a note left next to the cage that Etan Thomas did it. I guarantee that Curry will come out fighting when the Knicks take on the Wizards this Wednesday.

ETAAAAAAAN!
More tomorrow. Sleep well.

Knicks-Cavs Tonight

Alright, alright. The Knicks take on Peter Stormare, Al Roker, and the Cleveland Cavaliers this evening, and for some reason I'm really pumped. Lebron James is one of my favorite players in this entire league, so much so that I can enjoy his play even in the context of a Knicks-Cavs game. He's that good. (He's really the only one. I was so incensed when Dwyane Wade hit a game-winner over Trevor Ariza a few years back, that I wrote a venomous, spiteful letter to the Heat organization, only to rescue it from the mailbox the next day.) That said, I'd rather that the Knicks beat the ever-loving shit out of him, and he continues his streak of poor offensive performances at the Garden.

Sigh...
In further news, the NBA is finally investigating Bruce Bowen for his ankle-spraining antics. It's also become apparent that Isiah meant to fire up his team by yelling at Bowen. As I've said, I'd rather that the players were sticking up for themselves...but whatever works. Letting Isiah chew out Bowen is kinda like letting your Daddy scare the bully at school.

Finally, some things to check out...

"How to Fix the Knicks" from Knickerblogger

More on tonight's game and Bowen from Yay Sports, including his own questions about that odd blue pin of Zeke's.

New Carnival of the NBA at Rising Suns

Recap tonight or tomorrow. Peace out.

EDIT: I forgot that LBJ dropped 36 at the Garden last year. Whoops. Kid's pretty good at basketball.

Sunday Lookalikes

Renaldo Balkman vs. Humpty!




My name is Balkman, pronounced with an "Alkman"

EDIT: The hair is kinda up Dermarr Johnson's alley though, isn't it?

Spurs 100, Knicks 92

I have almost nothing new to say about this game. Same problems: bad start, perimeter defense, and interior presence. And that's only on the defensive end. Some notes:

-I think Channing Frye's struggles are more important than it might appear. He's really the Knicks only mid-range shooter. His current non-threatening status really clogs up the court for cutting guards. If he started making his usual 18 footers, you'd see more open threes and slashes to the basket because one or two guys would have to follow Frye.

-The Knicks got some measure of redemption at Bruce Bowen. When Bowen pulled his signature move (if he were a pro wrestler this would be called the "Thundercut", but he's not so it's just "douchey") on Crawford, Zeke got visibly upset and had a mini verbal altercation with Bowen. Both got T'd up quickly and it was over. I would've rather seen Nate bite him or something, but I guess this will have to do.

You'll get yours, Bruce.

- Why, Eddy Curry, why? If I ever meet him on the street, I swear in the name of Charles Oakley, we will have a talk. I don't even worry that I'd piss him off by doing that. What's he gonna do, foul me?

- Pounding the Rock has some true, some just not-nice things to say about the Knicks after last night's game. Let me just say that the Knicks have plenty of "shooting" guards, they just don't have enough "making" guards. I have made it clear that I think Jalen Rose's roster spot should be filled by a white gunner, though.

Anyway, Cavs on Monday. Sunday Lookalikes coming a little later. Peace out.

Wanted Dead or Alive

Knicks take on Bruce Bowen and the Spurs tonight, and if there's one thing I know, it's that Isiah Thomas is all about loyalty and revenge. Expect to see some downright chippiness, and hopefully the ankle-twisting of Cal State Fullerton's finest. I'm gonna be very disappointed if Isiah doesn't instruct his boys to get some payback.

Pounding the Rock knows what's up.

Same Knicks, Different Day

Well, you certainly can't complain that the Knicks are unpredictable. Our beloved scoundrels manage to lose in just about the same way every time. Last night's game in Houston was no exception. Easy layups and wide open threes were once again the poison of a Knicks team that hit its shots and kept track of the ball on the other end. The fact that the Knicks shot a decent 43% and only had 9 turnovers, yet still lost, tells us that that whole Suns' concept of simply running and out-gunning the other team might not apply here. It's time to settle down a little bit and eliminate those open shots. Credit has to be given to Yao Ming, as well. I've never been a fan of his, but god DAMN did he bring it last night. He had a monster game and looked truly dominant down low.

Yeeeeeah...That can't happen.
Another point of concentration has to be the way the team starts games. Isiah, from the game recap seems completely unconcerned with such.

``I am really proud of how hard we fight and I told my players that,'' he said. ``Right now, we don't need to focus on losses because if we keep playing hard, we are going to get better as the season goes on.''

Isiah needs to reach a little farther back in his memory. The Knicks have, in 5 of 6 games, fallen behind early, a fact that can be attributed primarily to lack of effort. This needs to be addressed. Playing hard for 12 minutes doesn't qualify as solid effort, and doesn't win games.

On the positive side, the platoon of guys that Zeke sent at T-Mac did a pretty good job at settling him down. I was also pleased to see Kelvin Cato getting some minutes on Yao, as well as attempts to go small with Balkman, Lee, and Rose. If anything, there should've been more of this. Finally, Nate's dunk off of a Marbury (Crawford?) miss was among the sickest things I've ever seen in my life. If someone can find a video or photograph of this, I beg of you to alert me. It'll surely be on Friday's Courtside Countdown, but I don't know if I can wait a week to see it again.

Anyway, the thoroughly battered Knicks have to take on the Spurs tonight. As I mentioned, the key to staying competitive in games like this, is to start the 1st quarter with the same kind of energy that's been keeping the games close in the fourth quarter. Hopefully the movement and flow that was evident at the end of last night's game will carry over into this one. Let's do this.

La Di Da Di, The Knicks Like to Party

Finally, the day has come. You've heard it in the Garden and on commercials, and now you can bring it into your home. That's right, Doug E. Fresh's "Take Me Home", the Knicks remix that debuted in 2001, is finally available to download. For those of you who are feeling befuddled and empty for never having heard this song, the lyrics go a little something like this (off the top of my head):

(Sung to the tune of John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads")

Chorus:Take me home, take me home
To the place I was born
New York City, East New York now
Take me home, take me home

Then comes the hot fire of Mr. Fresh. Again, from my own memory:

East side crew, West Side crew/ True New Yorkers wear orange and blue
Uptown crew, Downtown crew/ True New Yorkers Wear orange and blue
Brooklyn crew, Harlem crew/ True New Yorkers wear orange and blue

Repeat Chorus.

Anyway, that's the gist of the song. It's on just about every Knicks commercial now, and they play it at least twice during every game. It pains me to see a rap legend like Doug E. Fresh having his career come to this. I'm considering forking over the 99 cents, if only to feel like I'm helping him get out of this lowlight of his career.

This kinda goes along with this post from the Basketball Jones, about team marketing slogans. An investigation of NBA team theme songs might be similarly entertaining.

Knicks-Rockets Tonight

The Knicks take on the sizzlin' Rockets this evening down at the Toyota Center. This is a statement game for the Knicks, as the Rockets are a talented, healthy team. The hot shooting of Crawford and QRich is gonna have to continue, as Yao and T-Mac are surely gonna fill it up for Houston. One thing to look for is the matchup on Yao. I assume it will be Curry's job at the beginning, but expect to see former Rocket Kelvin Cato or even Malik Rose in there to spell the foul-prone starter.

Here's an article about Crawford's newfound touch, from the Star Ledger. My favorite part is this gem from Steve Francis...

"I don't want to jeopardize my career for one game," he said. "You have to be smart about certain situations."

Take your time, buddy. Seriously. No rush. Take a vacation.

By the way the over-under on number of times that Walt Frazier says "Skip to my Lou" tonight stands at 5.

Knicks-Nuggets Recap

Alright, now that I've had a night to sleep on it, let's talk about last night's game. I didn't catch the whole thing, and seem to have missed the part where Crawford got 35 points. I'd like anyone who caught that part of the game to let us know, in the comments section, how that crazy kid scored that much.

Anyway, some notes:
- Fact: We just won a game against a team with at least one talented center.
- Fact: Eddy Curry played 13 minutes and did just about nothing except pick up 5 fouls.
- Opinion: Malik Rose doesn't look bad when his only role is to play defense. He can guard a wide range of big men.
- Opinion: Curry wouldn't have been able to guard Kenyon Martin, had he been healthy.
- Observation: Kelvin Cato looks to be in decent shape. He can get off the ground pretty quickly.
- Question: What do we do with Curry now? (I'm NOT saying that he should be benched or traded based on one game. I'm just saying that perhaps we need to amend his role on the team?)

There's just no place for Eddy's interpretive dancing.
- In my mind, Frye's struggles are entirely mental. You can't just lose your shooting touch and your moves like that. I wonder if he has a bad relationship with Isiah, because his decision-making, shot selection, and body language do not look good at all. I think it's the guards' responsibility to get him back in his flow. His midrange touch is vital to opening up the court.

- I mentioned it last night, but that Crawford shot was the earliest turning point in this young Knicks season. Let us recall: Crawford dribbles away the clock for a few seconds, then steps out to about 30 feet and tries to throw an over-the-shoulder cross-court pass to no one in particular. The ball is easily picked off by J.R. Smith, but Crawford snaggles it back from Eduardo Najera on the fast break. I make a noise that sounds something like a whale miscarrying. Crawford, in a 4 on 2 situation, with 4 seconds left, releases a fadeaway 30-foot three pointer. A foreign creature bursts out of my chest, "Alien" style. The shot somehow connects. I cry and laugh at the same time. J.R. Smith narrowly misses a tip-in off an Anthony free throw, and the Knicks are victorious.

Moments like this make me wish I hadn't eaten that fourth burrito.
What if that play went differently? Crawford made an idiotic pass and took one of the stupidest shots of his entire career. If he missed that shot, the New York Media would have Crawford, Isiah, Channing Frye, Channing Frye's mother, Mark Wahlberg, and all of Sly and the Family Stone on the chopping block. Not one person would be spared from the fury. Knicks fans and writers alike would be gnashing their teeth at the inexplicable follies and misconceptions of this Knicks team. When that shot went 'splash' it momentarily preserved this Knicks season as we know it.

So let us rejoice and look forward. The season is young, and the Knicks have shown flashes. We've certainly had our share of excitement so far. Rockets on Friday, kids.

Finally, check out these game-related posts from other sites:
Knickerblogger
Nugg Doctor
Yay Sports

Boy oh Boy!

Man, if Crawford missed that inexplicable three at the end there, I woulda stayed in my room for the next 3 weeks, slowly growing a beard and eating Skittles by the light of my lava lamp. Not only did he almost throw the ball away, but he put up a retarded three in a 4 on 2 situation. I guess when you're hot, you're hot. The Knicks looked a lot better this evening, against a fairly talented team. Carmelo Anthony is crazy good. What they say about him improving over the summer looked truer than ever.

Anyway, Crawford had his breakout game....Channing Frye, where you at!?

It feels good. More in the morning.

Knicks-Nuggets Tonight

Hey. Plenty of news. China reports that Steve Francis will miss some time with that ankle sprain. In related news, if I ever cross paths with Bruce Bowen, I'm gonna throw a box of Good & Plenty over his head, and when he jumps to catch it, I'm gonna put two bear traps under his legs. Bitch bastard.

I wouldn't waste the good candy on catching a Bowen.
Anyway, the Knicks take on the Gold Lumps of Denver this evening. As is the case with most teams, Denver's guards should be a problem. Especially so, because the Nuggets have some depth at the guard position, with Andre Miller, Earl Boykins, and J.R. Smith all fleet of foot and threats to hit the jumper. I was gonna say something about Marcus Camby meeting with his former teammates, but uhhh....not one of these guys played with him in New York. Kinda weird. It'd be funny if somehow this confused him.

"Watch out for Latrell."
My powers of prediction are pretty good when it comes to the Knicks, and I'm gonna venture a guess that this is the game they finally come out of their shell. They don't have the defensive liability of Francis, and the Nuggets are juuuust dysfunctional enough that they could shit the bed.

Finally, here's this article from USA Today, with some comments by Isiah. The man sure does love to talk, doesn't he?

Basketball Without Borders?

Quick post today, as I'm still reeling from that Spurs loss. I generally don't like reading things without pictures, but this article from the Houston Chronicle notes that U.S. Ambassador John Bolton took the U.N. Security Council to last night's game.

Highlights include David Stern- who gets off to foreigners- greeting the guests.

NBA commissioner David Stern, no stranger to diplomacy, handed out caps from both teams to the ambassadors."We think that basketball is the international language," he said, "It brings people together."

Is he saying that basketball is the preferred language at the U.N.? I did not know. I always thought it was Esperanto or something.

" Jump shot. Slam dunk, halftime, double dribble? Mateen Cleaves."
Bolton himself had a fine quip, stating that watching the Knicks was like "negotiating in the Security Council". I really wanna see the Security Council now. When I watch the Knicks I am extremely profane, break television remotes, and fart a lot. If the U.N. is anything like this, then someone get me a baby-blue helmet STAT.

Finally, there was someone there named Wang Guangya Wang. Which is a fun name.

Spurs 105, Knicks 93

This game can be only be described in phases. The Knicks looked entirely different through different portions of the game.

Act One- The Beginning:
-The guys just aren't starting games well. It seems like no one wants to get the basket except for Richardson. Marbury and Francis make absolutely no effort to do anything and Frye still looks like a big pussy.
-I'm pretty sure that if they ran the 3 point contest with Marbury, Francis, and Richardson on D, guys would still put up big numbers. In fact, they might do better.

Spurs guard Ethan Hawke burns Stephon Marbury
Act II- The Downfall:
-Shit just gets out of hand. Francis goes down and the threes start raining, particularly from Brent Barry aka "Bones" aka "Hieronymus Bosch" and the dirtiest player on earth, Bruce Bowen. (Bowen is the culprit on Francis' ankle turn. Clyde said that there was "no malice" but Bowen cleary stuck his foot out to undercut Stevie. Francis stuck the shot anyway. Fuck you, Bruce.)

Did you know that Brent Barry won the 1996 Slam Dunk contest?
Act III- Monday Night Football
- At 8:30, disgusted viewers everywhere switch to Monday Night Football. Come to the conclusion that Maurice Morris is a cool name, and that if they were his friend, they'd call him MoMo.
- Watching the Knicks get ravaged might actually be better than watching Seahawks-Raiders, viewers casually turn back to MSG.

Act IV- Awakening-
- Discover that Knicks have cut the lead down towards the end of the half-with the help of...Malik Rose!? and... MARDY COLLINS!? MARDY COLLINS GOT HIS FIRST MINUTES AND I WASN'T THERE TO WATCH!? FETCH ME THE HEMLOCK, CAUSE I'M DONE WITH THIS WORLD.
- Momentary quiet as Collins steals the ball and takes it back for the and-one. Mardy for MVP, bitches.
-Knicks down by 13 at the half.

Act V- The Reality-
-The novelty of the second unit wears off quickly, and the Spurs get up big with a barrage of threes and layups
-The starters return, but still suck

Act VI- The Fakeout-
- I finally give up and go upstairs to check my fantasy stats, only to accidentally see that the Knicks have cut the lead to 7
- Race downstairs, and step on my dog on the way
- Knicks cut it to one but don't have me fooled. I swear, I'm not excited at all.
- Yup, told you. Marbury misses a stupid three and it all collapses from there. Game.
- Return upstairs, apologize to dog.

Epilogue-
- Once more, do not be fooled by Curry's numbers, because he's playing awfully. He only gets cheap rebounds, and doesn't even LOOK at his shot after he puts it up. It looks like he's kidding or something. Oh, and on the rare occasion that he gets an O-bound, he shot-puts it at the bottom of the backboard almost immediately.
- WOW. The Knicks are taking bad perimeter defense to new levels. Frye and Curry are horrible down low... but good god are the guards bad outside.
- Francis eventually returned--in a suit and tie. Has anyone ever seen this before? I don't think I've ever seen a player have a game-ending injury, but return in street clothes. Bizarre.
- Collins looked good in his minutes. I like his effort.
- Did I mention that I don't like Bruce Bowen? I bet he steps on his dog on purpose. And hits people in the nuts.

"Grab the balls, Bruce!
Finally, and most importantly, I really fear one thing. I fear that that last run towards the end of the game might fool the Knicks. Granted, it was a fantastic run, but it must not eclipse the fact that the Knicks are playing horribly and without effort. Isiah finally showed the balls to put his foot down during this game, and I hope he doesn't back off because of this little run.

All in all, a strange-ass game, with enough folly to make me pull my hair out, but enough flashes to give me hope. Figures.

ESPN Power Rankings

The first of Marc Stein's Power Rankings are in, and the Knicks are second to last. It's hard to argue this, as the Knicks really haven't had a meaningful win yet. I have vague recollections of unbelievable play in the first three quarters of the Memphis game but I honestly can't remember back that far.

By the way, I've got a new nickname/likeness for Renaldo Balkman which I think I'm gonna save for the Sunday lookalikes. I can't believe I hadn't thought of it already.

Monday Night Madness

Yo yo yo. We got some Knicks action this evening, as the San Antonio Spurs are coming to town. The timing of this game brews within me a great dilemma. First, let me explain that I am extremely superstitious when it comes to the Knicks. If you haven't already gathered such, I don't do this site just for fun, I am truly a diehard Knicks fan. Accordingly, my actions surrounding televised games are rather radical. Generally, I will not get up from my seat during a game, save for halftime, when I pee and usually have a quick snack. I snap at anyone who speaks to me during the game, and frequently cause damage to myself or my surroundings when things don't go well. Lastly, I absolutely will not change the channel under any circumstances, save for the discovery of a live pterodactyl. If, and only if, there is the breaking news of a pterodactyl sighting, I will flip to CBS. As of yet, this hasn't occured. That's just me. Oh, and I also have to wear shoes. I don't know why.

If you see this, do not hesitate to call
Anyway, the television (wouldn't that be the noun of televised?) of tonight's game conflicts with that of Monday Night Football, one of my favorite programs ever. The Knicks will assuredly lose this evening, as the Spurs always quickly and mercilessly shit on them. So, the notion to flip back and forth between MNF and the Knicks' demise has crept into my conscience. I do run the risk of cursing the entire Knicks' season if I flip back and forth, but certainly won't miss anything good. I'm still up in the air.

If it somehow is a close game, I'll surely watch. I really really hate the Spurs. The recent upsurge of "They're not THAT boring" statements from sportscasters is dead to me. They are that boring, a fact that is only magnified by their constant presence on national television, which is another post for another time. Anyway, save for Tim Duncan on occasion, I don't like watching a single player on San Antonio. Bruce Bowen is far and away my least favorite player in the league, and the rest of the team is either monotonous or obnoxious. I love nothing more than watching the Spurs lose. So there.

This just warms the cockles of my heart
Moving on, I reccomend that you check out the following...
The Cavalier's thoughts on Isiah and Marbury

An article from Chris Mannix at SI. (Note to Chris: It's been three games, brotha! Chill out! The Suns and Mavs aren't lottery bound and the Sixers ain't gonna win the championship, so why are the Knicks already so decidedly fucked?)

Shaking in the Garden, the Fear Within You Grows

I've never been a proponent of the layup line. At the professional level, what need is there to practice a completely uncontested lay-in? I just think time could be better spent warming up some tough shots that you might need to hit during the game.

Well, in the Pacers case, the layup line came in pretty fuckin handy. Harrington, O'Neal, Granger, and Jackson could walk to the basket as they please and literally finger roll the ball right off the backboard. It was inexplicable. Seriously, consider this. How often do you see a layup in a half-court set? It's pretty rare. Well, the Pacers must've had between 8 and 10 of them last night. It didn't help that Curry was getting out-rebounded by the Pacers' guards. Don't look at his stat sheet, cause the only boards he pulled down were cheap ones, off of threes and open-court misses. Anytime an important rebound went to the Knicks, it was Francis or Richardson doing the job.

Yup, that's Curry getting outrebounded by the Slug Lady.
On the other end, the Knicks' offense was motionless and pointless. Basically, they passed the ball around the perimeter for 15-20 seconds, and then either attempted a contested 3 or tried to hit Curry for a shot out of position. People were dropping passes (Curry) and throwing passes away (Marbury) like it was nobody's business. Whatever happened to the get-out-and-run fast break offense? I was disgusted.

It's tough to determine whose fault this is. Marbury was riddled with boos throughout the game, and at least one "Fire Thomas" chant sounded from the upper rows. Both certainly had performances to be criticized, as Marbury looked lost and Thomas didn't seem to attempt any sort of scheme with the offense. I think it's tough to decisively point a finger this early in the season. It doesn't look good, though.

No caption needed.
For more analysis, check out this article from Knickerblogger.

Sunday Lookalikes

Marquis Daniels vs. the Slug Lady Thing from Monsters Inc.



Separated at birth.

Is This a Cat in a Hat?

Well, I missed all of the game last night. It looks as if it was just an exaggeration of the Memphis game, with Frye and Crawford whiffing on offense and the Atlanta guards having their ways on defense. Though the Knicks were able to suppress the superstar stylings of Tyronn Lue and Speedy Claxton, Joe Johnson went thoroughly bananas. Once again, the guys had problems with foul trouble and technicals. Not good, but not the end of the world.

Anyway, I missed the game because I was seeing the opening night showing of the Borat movie. I wouldn't call it the funniest movie of all time, but it is surely the greatest comedic accomplishment I've ever seen. I previously thought the Jackass guys had gone the farthest to be funny, but Sacha Baron Cohen has taken it to a whole new level. I highly reccomend this movie, whether you are an Ali G fan or not. (By the way, I was surprised to see that about a quarter of the people there were senior citizens. I'm pretty sure the stuff they do in that film woulda given me a heart attack if I was that old.)

Tonight, for the first time in my life, I will be attending the Knicks' home opener, and getting my free hat. Isiah Thomas will be taking on his former employer, in what has often been a fun team matchup. This needs to be the game that Chan gets his shooting touch and defense back together, cause Jermaine O'Neal must be contained. If he isn't getting contested and picking up fouls, it's gonna be hard to outscore that team. Let's do this.

Sup, ladies. Oh, this? It's just a throwback Knicks hat presented by Foot Locker. Yes, I know.

TNT Thursdays, MSG Fridays.

The undefeated Knickerbockers take on the Hawks this evening, down in A-town. New York had problems with the Hawks last season, dropping 2 of 3 very convincingly. One thing I've noticed over the past few seasons is that the Knicks tend to get beaten up by youngsters and unknown guards. Wednesday night's attack by Atkins, Gay, and Warrick was nothing new. Off the top of my head, I can remember Emeka Okafor, Travis Outlaw, and T.J. Ford having coming out parties against the Knicks. Likewise for such typically useless guards as Tyronn "WNBA" Lue and Alan Anderson. They totally underprepare for the lesser-known guys.

Somehow this lady becomes a superstar when she plays the Knicks.
Anyway, the Hawks are loaded with such players. Expect either Speedy, Lue, or Shelden Williams to throw it down tonight. Joe Johnson's been a famous Knick-killer too. Who knows. The Knick guards MUST step it up on perimeter D or it's gonna be a long, long night. Let's hope they can pull it together. I probably won't be able to catch some of this game on TV, so I'll be sure to check out the replay or recap later tonight. Feel free to leave any thoughts on the game in the comments.

On another note, my favorite TV program on earth, TNT NBA Thursday, returned last night. I went to sleep completely reminded of how much I love that damn show. Barkley and Smith are two of the smarter, more interesting guys in sports, and can express their opinions without being boorish or obnoxious (Hear me, Stephen A?). Ernie Johnson is solid as hell, and looks to be soundly whooping the ass of cancer. It's wonderful to have him back. Craig Sager is delightfully eccentric, (Did you know that he was the mascot at Northwestern?), and has great interactions with the guys in New York.

Daaaaamn, Willy the Wildcat cleans up!
Down at courtside, Marv Albert and Steve Kerr are fantastic (and have new matching hairstyles). Kevin Harlan is solid and I always confuse Doug Collins's voice with Kerr's, anyway. I'm babbling, but you get the point. Eliminate the Miller family and this is the perfect sports show. I'm ecstatic to have it back in my household.

So...peep the game tonight if you can, and fill me in on the stuff I miss. Peace out, and watch that Isiah Thomas video again. Seriously, it ages like a fine wine.

EDIT: Go sign the petition at Need4Sheed to bring our bitching back. They also found the Zeke video long before I stumbled upon it, so big ups for that.

No Words.

I can't even describe this thing I just found. All I know is that I can't stop watching it.



My favorite part is Isiah's "EAT THAT. HOW'S LUNCH." moment on that poor little kid. He also sucks at the hokey pokey.

Jared's Got the Munchies

I love this story. While Jared Jeffries was under anesthesia, which was apparently LSD, he had a most interesting experience.

"While he was under anesthesia during an operation to put a screw in his broken left wrist Monday, Knicks forward Jared Jeffries was mumbling something about running through a cotton-candy field, chasing a chili dog with mustard."

The Times added the possible involvement of a hobbit in said dream. That's just hilarious. For some reason, I really like this guy. And damn, could we use his perimeter defense. Get healthy, Jared.

Mmm...Fucking hobbits...Gimme my chili dog...Mmmmff
Full article from the
Star Ledger

Knicks 118, Grizzlies 117

Undefeated, bitches! This is for all you doubters out there. I TOLD you so.

In all seriousness...hot DAMN what a typical Knicks way to start the season. By the end of the game I didn't care whether they lost or won, the damage had been done. They looked amazing through 3 quarters, but when Curry blew a dunk and Balkman shat the bed on a fast break...I knew things were turning around. Oh well. A win's a win.

Some note's from last night:
-For those of you that caught the pre-game show...Isiah seems really annoying in practice. I don't know if this video can be found anywhere, but he pretty much stands behind the guards as they warm up and yells "Get hot! Get hot!" over and over again. I'd probably snap and kick him after awhile. Maybe that's just me.
-Channing Frye needs to shave. That sweaty little faded mustache does not look good in HD.
- I'm pretty sure David Lee's chin goes directly into his chest.

More important notes:
- What exactly went on in the huddle at the end of regulation? It must've been something like this...
Isiah: Alright, guys, the game is tied and its ours to win. Who's gonna take the last shot? Jamal?
Jamal: Well, coach, I'm not really feeling it. To be frank, I've just started shooting with my eyes closed or on one foot, cause I'm that off.
Isiah: Fantastic. Everyone get Jamal the ball 25 feet out and he'll take a fadeaway three to win this thing! Hoo-rah!
Jamal: I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Isiah: Just get hot. Get hot. Get hot get hot gethotgethotgethotgethot.

-On that note, who decided Crawford was Mr. Clutch on the Knicks? How come I didn't have a vote? I remember him banking in a half-court shot against the Rockets...but other than that, nothing. In fact, I'd say he's the LEAST clutch player on the team. And why on EARTH would you shoot a three? Get to the basket, draw some contact! And even if you are gonna shoot a three, why don't you let the perfect-as-of-yet Richardson put it up? FUCK!

-Curry looked a LOT better. Even the fouls he committed were kinda shit calls. He needs to help out a lot more on D, as does Frye, but there's no question that he's improved.

- Marbury and Francis looked perfectly comfortable sharing the ball. Seriously.

- The guards need to fight over picks. No one but Robinson even attempts to do so. They're gonna get abused if they don't put in a lot more effort.

Damon Stoudamire is a paraplegic, yet can still get into the paint. Marvelous.
- What bigs do you play in the clutch? Frye is very shaky in tight moments, and Curry is to liable to do something stupid.

- Maybe the Knicks need to get a little more balls-out on defense. They're not gonna be able to stop a hot shooter, so why not gamble more and try to create some pressure and turnovers? Just a thought.

- The Grizzlies were miserably bad, but Gay, Warrick, and Lowry looked fantastic. Gay showed a lot of great moves from different spots.

Elsewhere...

Kieran Darcy is ditching an undefeated team. What a douche.

Good rundown at Knickerblogger

Today is a day of rest and reflection for the Knickerbockers. Hopefuly a lot of both.

...

Jeez. We'll talk tomorrow afternoon.

They're Back!

And so it begins. Tonight the Knicks take on los Vancouver Grizzlies of Memphis. As we know, Gasol is out, which is a blessing considering how badly he torched us last year. The Grizzlies dooooon't really have a center...(goes to Grizzlies website)...Yeah, no. Jake Tsakalidis is the best they have to offer, so this could be Curry's first chance to show us his new manly self. Expect him to either get called for a heap of fouls and pull out the classic Eddy Curry "Whatthefuh!?" face, or go nuts and abuse the Memphis front line. I'm more than ready to watch some Knicks basketball. Let's do this.

Gracias, Pau.
Anyway, check out what these mean bastards said about our Knicks. (Link via Truehoop)

Also peep the not nice things Simmons had to say in his preview article today...

If you're trying to figure out how the Knicks season could possibly be more entertaining than it was last season, well, here's how: More fat guys! Move over from the buffet table, Jerome James, Q and Eddy are coming in for seconds! If they ever start the same game, the PA announcer should announce them with their combined weight, like they're a wrestling tag-team or something.

It goes on. He's got some legitimate beefs with Isiah later on, but what's with that comment? Eddy's slimmed down considerably, and Q isn't THAT fat. Also, if he's so against heavy guys on the Knicks, why would he possibly have wanted them to keep that undersized chode of a center they call Jackie Butler around? I don't get it. Other than that, it's a great article and you should check it out, I guess.

Expect some passionate fumes or praise later this evening or tomorrow. Peace out.

The Best Day of the Year

Basketball season starts tonight, bitches. Damn it feels good. Due to the return of the NBA, the NY Times published their NBA preview, along with an article about the Knicks' upcoming season. Harvey Araton describes Isiah Thomas' situation as one requiring great luck, as he has been given a relatively undefined goal. We've all heard that he must make "progress" to not be canned, but how much progress is progress? I'd kinda like it if no room was left for interpretation when judgement day comes. So i'll throw out a number...

That's right, kids. 41. .500. (And how often do you get to see a picture of Glen Rice? That guy was filthy good back in the day...Anyway.) It's childish I know, but then again, so is Isiah Thomas. So far, just about everything he's done has baffled Knicks fans and media pundits. Therefore, the only way he can prove his worth to us is to show that the team is far awesomer than it was in past years. I want to see, straight up, that this squad is more capable of winning than it is losing. To me, only this would justify the spending, the dark horse draft picks, the revolving door of coaches, and everything else. This is my interpretation of Dolan's ultimatum.

Like I said, it may not be practical or logical, but neither is the employment of Isiah Thomas these days.

Anyway, some things...
Ernie Johnson is back at TNT tonight after months of chemo for Lymphoma. Ernie's one of the most likeable guys on one of the best sports programs ever. I'm enthralled to have him back on my television. Big ups to Ernie. Dude is a warrior.

Also, Deadspin has it's "tiny tidbits" on the Knicks today, including the delightful morsel of trivia that Kelvin Cato is a children's book author. I did not know!

Kelvin shows the kids how to h.o.o.p.
Peace out, and remember to avoid unwrapped candy.

Knicks News

Nothing exciting today, except that Jalen Rose was officially kicked out of New York. A fine move by Isiah, in my opinion. As this article points out, Quentin Richardson is now solidly in line for the starting SF job. Q, to me, showed signs of the three-point form and rebounding prowess that is his game. His actual shooting form and movements on the court just look more natural than they did last year. Time will tell.

By the way, who do you think should take up the newly opened 15th spot on the roster? I think a nice, white 3-point gunner might fit the bill. Casey Jacobsen and Mike Gansey are on the market, are they not? A defensive guy? Gimme some thoughts.

Knicks season starts on Wednesday. Get pumped.

EDIT: ESPN came out with their predictions which I always enjoy. Channing got one vote for Most Improved from John Hollinger, who spares no love for the Knicks.

I usually don't like doing predictions but I've gotta take a whirl...

East: Cavs over Wizards
West: Spurs over Suns
Champ: Spurs- Finals MVP Tim Duncan

ROY: Duh, Brandon Roy. His last name is Roy, dammit!
Most Improved: Jumaine Jones Andrew Bynum
Sixth Man: Jamal Crawford
Coach: Don Nelson
Defensive Player: Artest. No contest.
MVP: Lebron, finally.

More on the Rose Buyout

As Brian Cronin at Knickerblogger notes, the Rose buyout could mean that the Knicks owe 52 million crispy chicken sandwiches to 5 different non-Knicks. It's not exactly something to be proud of, but it's better to have open roster spots than to have Maurice Taylor and Shandon Anderson festering on the bench. Or playing for that matter. The fact is, the expense is worth correcting the mistake.You might say the Knicks are like a rich lady who keeps getting boob jobs, only to get more expensive reductions a year or two later. Or something.

Peace out.

Sunday Lookalikes

Completely un-Knicks related lookalikes for today...

Eric Mangini vs. Garfield


I know, right!?

Knicks News

Quick update for today. It appears as if Jalen Rose might be out of this house within a few days. Apparently he's out of shape and not in the best of mindsets, so it's easy to see why. Considering that he has absolutely no place in the Knicks' rotation, it's probably better this way. I'm sure, also, that this will be comforting to QRich, whose minutes might've been hijacked by Rose throughout the season. Let's hope this goes down.

I'll update with some baller-ass lookalikes later in the day.

*About that above picture:
A. They should get Buck Williams to kick Rose's ass out the door.
B. Where are Buck's legs in this picture? Look closely.

R.I.P. Red Auerbach

A real legend, and the winningest coach ever in my book. (Bitter towards Lenny Wilkens? Of course not! That's absurd.)

I think it's about time we start nicknaming people "Red" again, too. How bout Red Schwarzenegger? Anyone?

ESPN article on Auerbach